Bridal Shower And Pre-Wedding Event Checklist
The shower, the bachelorette, the rehearsal dinner and the welcome drinks are four separate events with four different hosts, budgets, and guest lists — and they all land in the same eight weeks. This guide plans them properly.
You will find who hosts and pays for each, a full bridal shower planning timeline, real budget numbers at three levels, guest list rules, a three-hour running order, and games that guests actually enjoy.
Who hosts and who pays for each event
None of this is fixed any more. The only real rule that survives is that the couple should not host their own shower — everything else is decided by whoever wants to host and can afford it. Agree who pays out loud, early, in a group message. Assumption is what causes friction.
| Event | Traditional host | Who pays | When |
|---|---|---|---|
| Engagement party | Either set of parents | The host | 0–3 months after proposal |
| Bridal shower | Maid of honor and wedding party | Host, often split with attendees | 2–3 months before |
| Bachelorette / bachelor party | Maid of honor / best man | Attendees split, guest of honour is covered | 1–2 months before |
| Bridal luncheon | The couple | The couple | Week of the wedding |
| Rehearsal dinner | Traditionally the groom's parents | The host | Night before |
| Welcome drinks | The couple | The couple | Night before or two nights before |
| Post-wedding brunch | Either family or the couple | The host | Morning after |
Bridal shower planning timeline
| When | Task |
|---|---|
| 3–4 months before the shower | Agree the date with the couple; set a budget and host list |
| 3 months | Confirm the guest list with the couple — cross-check against the wedding list |
| 10 weeks | Book the venue or confirm the home; choose a theme if using one |
| 8 weeks | Send invitations with registry details and RSVP date |
| 6 weeks | Order food, cake, and drinks; plan two or three games |
| 4 weeks | Buy decor, favours, and prizes; build the playlist |
| 2 weeks | Chase RSVPs and give final numbers to caterers |
| 1 week | Confirm timings with helpers; buy fresh flowers; prep a gift log |
| Day before | Set up, chill drinks, print the game sheets |
| Day of | Arrive 90 minutes early; assign someone to log gifts as they are opened |
The guest list rule that prevents every problem
- Anyone invited to a shower must also be invited to the wedding. This is the one hard rule.
- Ask the couple for the list — do not assemble it from social media.
- Typical shower size is 20 to 40 guests; the shower is smaller and closer than the wedding.
- Include both families' close relatives, or host two smaller showers if the families are far apart.
- Co-ed showers are increasingly common and solve the 'why is only one side celebrating' problem.
- Send invitations eight weeks out with a clear RSVP date four weeks before.
- Registry details are allowed on shower invitations — this is the one invitation where that is correct.
What a bridal shower costs
| Item | Budget option | Typical | Elevated |
|---|---|---|---|
| Venue | Free — someone's home | $150–$400 restaurant minimum | $800+ private room |
| Food | $8/head potluck or grazing | $25–$40/head brunch | $60+/head catered |
| Drinks | $60 prosecco and juice | $150 bar and mocktails | $400 cocktail service |
| Cake or dessert | $40 supermarket | $90 bakery | $200 custom |
| Decor and flowers | $60 DIY | $150 | $400 florist |
| Games, prizes, favours | $30 | $80 | $200 |
| Invitations | $0 digital | $50 printed | $150 letterpress |
| Total for 25 guests | ~$350 | ~$900 | ~$2,200 |
Shower running order (3 hours)
- Cap gift opening at 45 minutes — beyond that the room disengages.
- Assign one person to write down every gift and giver as it is opened.
- Assign a second person to collect ribbons and cards so nothing is lost.
- Two games maximum. Nobody has ever wished for a third.
- Take the group photo before people start leaving, not at the end.
12:00 — Hosts arrive and set up 1:00 — Guests arrive, welcome drink, mingling 1:30 — Food served (grazing or buffet) 2:00 — Game one, short and low-effort 2:20 — Toast from the maid of honor, 2 minutes 2:30 — Gift opening with a designated gift logger 3:20 — Cake and coffee 3:40 — Game two or a group photo 4:00 — Guests leave with favours
Shower games people actually enjoy
- How well do you know the couple — questions answered in advance by their partner.
- Advice cards: each guest writes one line of marriage advice for a keepsake box.
- Date night jar: everyone writes a date idea on a card for the couple to draw from.
- Recipe cards sent with the invitation and collected into a book on the day.
- Guess the age of the couple in baby and childhood photos.
- Purse raffle: prizes for whoever has the most unlikely item in their bag.
- Late-arrival-proof games — anything guests can complete at their own pace.
The rest of the pre-wedding calendar
- Engagement party: within three months of the proposal, no gifts expected, invite only people who will make the wedding list.
- Bachelorette or bachelor party: six to eight weeks before, never the weekend before. Circulate a written cost per person before anyone books.
- Rehearsal: 45 minutes at the ceremony venue with the officiant and everyone who walks.
- Rehearsal dinner: wedding party, immediate family, officiant, and out-of-town guests if the budget allows. Keep speeches to three.
- Welcome drinks: an open-invite bar tab is a cheap way to see out-of-town guests without extending the wedding day.
- Post-wedding brunch: two hours, casual, and the cheapest catering you will book all year.
- Put every one of these on the same shared calendar as the wedding tasks so they do not collide with deposits and fittings.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who plans and pays for the bridal shower?
Traditionally the maid of honor and the wedding party plan and pay, sometimes splitting costs among attendees or with the couple's family. The one lasting rule is that the couple does not host their own shower.
When should the bridal shower be held?
Two to three months before the wedding. Earlier than three months and the registry may not be ready; closer than six weeks and it collides with final payments, fittings, and the bachelorette.
Who should be invited to a bridal shower?
Close friends and family, typically 20 to 40 people. Everyone invited to the shower must also be invited to the wedding — there are no exceptions to that rule.
How much does a bridal shower cost?
A home shower for 25 guests can be done for around $350, a restaurant brunch runs about $900, and a fully catered event with florals is $2,000 or more. Food and venue are the two variables that matter.
How long should a bridal shower last?
Three hours is ideal: an hour of food and mingling, 45 minutes of gifts, and the rest for games, cake, and photos. Four hours is too long for most guests.
Can you have a co-ed bridal shower?
Yes, and they are increasingly popular. A co-ed shower avoids the awkwardness of only one side of the couple being celebrated and often allows a single combined event instead of two.
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