Rehearsal Dinner Planning Guide
The rehearsal dinner is the last chance to hand out timelines, gifts, and instructions while everybody is in one room and sober. Treat it as an operational meeting with food.
This guide covers who hosts and pays, exactly who to invite, real per-head costs, the rehearsal itself, a full run of show, and the toast order that keeps it under three hours.
Who hosts and who pays
Traditionally the groom's parents host the rehearsal dinner. In practice it is now split roughly three ways: one set of parents hosts, both sets split it, or the couple pays for it themselves — often as a deliberately casual event to keep costs down.
Decide this early, because the host controls the guest list and the venue, and disagreements about the rehearsal dinner are almost always disagreements about who is on the list.
| Arrangement | How common | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| One set of parents hosts | Common | They may expect to invite their own friends |
| Both families split | Increasingly common | Agree a per-head cap in writing |
| Couple pays | Common for older couples | Keep it casual to protect the main budget |
| Welcome party instead | Destination weddings | Bigger list, lower cost per head |
Who to invite
The line to hold: anyone who is at the rehearsal must be at the dinner. Beyond that, adding out-of-town guests turns it from a dinner into a welcome party, which is fine — just budget for it as a second reception.
- The couple
- Both sets of parents and step-parents
- Siblings and their partners
- The full wedding party and their partners
- Parents of any child attendants
- The officiant and their partner
- Grandparents
- Out-of-town guests who arrived early (optional — becomes a welcome party)
- Readers and anyone with a ceremony role
What it costs
- Restaurant private rooms usually carry a food and beverage minimum rather than a room fee — ask for the number, not the policy.
- A limited bar (beer, wine, one signature drink) cuts the bar spend roughly in half.
- Sunday-to-Thursday rehearsals get better restaurant pricing than Friday.
- Budget 10 to 15 percent of the total wedding spend for all pre-wedding events combined.
| Format | Per head | 20 guests | 40 guests |
|---|---|---|---|
| Backyard BBQ or potluck | $15–$30 | $300–$600 | $600–$1,200 |
| Pizza / taco / casual restaurant | $25–$45 | $500–$900 | $1,000–$1,800 |
| Mid-range restaurant private room | $50–$90 | $1,000–$1,800 | $2,000–$3,600 |
| Upscale plated dinner | $100–$180 | $2,000–$3,600 | $4,000–$7,200 |
| Welcome party with bar | $60–$120 | — | $2,400–$4,800 |
The rehearsal itself
- Book the venue rehearsal slot when you sign the venue contract — slots go fast in peak season.
- Allow 45 to 60 minutes; a simple ceremony takes 30.
- Everyone with a ceremony role must attend: wedding party, parents, readers, ushers, and the officiant.
- Walk the processional twice, in the real order, at the real pace.
- Practise the recessional once — it is the part people always get wrong.
- Hand out printed timelines and any envelopes or paperwork here.
- Confirm who is holding the rings and the marriage licence.
- Do the rehearsal at the same time of day as the ceremony if light matters for photos.
Rehearsal dinner run of show
- Set a hard end time and say it out loud. The night before the wedding is not the night to run to 1am.
- Keep the toast block under 25 minutes total.
| Time | What happens |
|---|---|
| 4:30pm | Wedding party and family arrive at ceremony site |
| 5:00pm | Rehearsal begins — processional walked twice |
| 5:45pm | Rehearsal ends; distribute timelines and paperwork |
| 6:30pm | Dinner venue — drinks and mingling |
| 7:15pm | Guests seated; hosts welcome everyone |
| 7:30pm | First course |
| 8:00pm | Toasts begin (see order below) |
| 8:45pm | Dessert; gift exchange with wedding party |
| 9:30pm | Hosts thank guests; hard stop announced |
| 10:00pm | End — couple leaves first |
Toast order and length
The rehearsal dinner is where the long, sentimental, inside-joke speeches belong. Say so explicitly to anyone speaking at both events — it keeps wedding-day toasts short and lets the emotional ones land in a smaller room.
| # | Who | Length |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Host (usually a parent) — welcome | 3 min |
| 2 | Other parents | 3 min |
| 3 | Siblings | 2 min each |
| 4 | Wedding party members who want to speak | 2 min each |
| 5 | The couple — thank yous | 3–4 min |
Gifts and thank yous
- Wedding party gifts are traditionally handed out at the rehearsal dinner, not the wedding day.
- Parents' gifts too — the morning of is too rushed.
- Hand-write cards for anyone who has done significant work; it is the single most remembered gesture.
- If vendors are attending (rare), do not give tips here — save envelopes for the wedding day.
- Take a group photo at the dinner. It is often the only one with everybody relaxed.
Frequently Asked Questions
Who pays for the rehearsal dinner?
Traditionally the groom's parents. Today it is just as often split between both families or paid for by the couple, especially when the dinner is deliberately casual.
Who gets invited to the rehearsal dinner?
Everyone with a ceremony role and their partners — the wedding party, parents, step-parents, siblings, grandparents, readers, and the officiant. Adding out-of-town guests turns it into a welcome party.
How much does a rehearsal dinner cost?
Between $25 and $90 per head for most weddings. A casual restaurant dinner for 30 people typically runs $900 to $2,000, while an upscale plated dinner can exceed $4,000.
How long should a rehearsal dinner last?
Two and a half to three hours, ending by 10pm. Set and announce a hard end time — nobody performs well at a wedding on five hours of sleep.
Do you have to have a rehearsal dinner?
No. A rehearsal is worth doing, but the dinner can be pizza at someone's house. What matters is that the people with ceremony roles have walked the processional and have the timeline.
When do you give wedding party gifts?
At the rehearsal dinner. The wedding morning is too rushed for anyone to appreciate them, and the dinner gives you a natural moment to say thank you properly.
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